All Souls College

University of Oxford is an umbrella for roughly forty colleges that exist in the small city that shares its name. Its most exclusive and eccentric college is All Souls, to which roughly 150 recent graduates or postgraduates apply by way of a ludicrous entry exam. The two-day nightmare starts with four written exams—each three hours long, yet addressing only a single question. Two questions are specific to one’s field of study, while the others address general knowledge to the tune of “Defend the indefensible” or “Discuss a light bulb.”

Six or so candidates advance to the “viva voce,” an oral exam that demands off-thecuff, on-the-feet responses, delivered to an audience of fifty former and current fellows dressed in matching robes, sitting in a half circle, judging you. Ultimately, two lucky(?) souls are awarded a seven-year fellowship, during which time they are funded to research the subject of their choice, and given the perk of a flowy gown.

These Fellows are welcomed into an elite group of smarty-pants at Oxford and, among other distinctions, are given the honor of VIP access to…the lawn. (Plebians are restricted to concrete walkways.) The Front Quad, which has barely changed since its 1438 construction, is framed by immaculate grass that may only be tread upon by the feet of professors or Fellows—sometimes with a duck on a pole.

When All Souls was being built, its founder had a vivid dream of a mallard flying out of the college. Shortly after they broke ground, lore has it that a trapped duck emerged from a drain and took flight. Having validated the founder’s subconscious foresight, this gave birth to a baffling tradition of quackery: the first year of every century, the Fellows parade around the college hoisting a dead duck on a pole, carousing, singing a song with the chorus “It was a swapping, swapping mallard” (for the uninitiated, “It was a big, big duck”).

In 2001, the Fellows dared to use a wooden bird instead—passing the noble test of maintaining Oxford’s curious tradition without slaughtering man or fowl.

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